


Because of Course it Did

by AlexTrout



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Connor Murphy Has a Crush on Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Depression, First Kiss, First Love, Gay Panic, M/M, No Smut, POV Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), POV First Person, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTrout/pseuds/AlexTrout
Summary: Connor tries to commit suicide and someone stops him, making a new friendship bloom. Both of them want something more but could they ever tell the other?I'll try to post as often as I can, but sorry if the waits are long.
Relationships: Connor Murphy & Cynthia Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter One

Today is just like every other day. I get up. Try to do something with my shoulder-length hair but ultimately fail. I get dressed. Like always, I quickly decide on a black shirt, black hoodie, and black jeans. As I put my socks and shoes on I think of how today might be the last day I have to do this. The thought gets replaced as my eye lands on the leftover pizza in my room. My mom goes on these crazy diets and so the only time I can eat normal food is at school or if I buy it myself. My mom calls me and my sister Zoe down to eat breakfast so I scream something back and stomp down the stairs.  
“Connor, is that really necessary?” Larry, otherwise known as my dad says. I’m about to reply with a rude comment but Cynthia, my mom, beats me to it and steps in.  
“Larry, there’s no need to pick fights,” she scolds him.  
“Well there’s no need for him to wake up the entire block,” he argues back. They go back and forth until Zoe comes down.  
“Oh, Zoe is that the new dress we just got you?” Cynthia asks, ignoring a fuming Larry.  
Zoe simply nods and goes to the fridge. I get my hopes up and hope that they might completely ignore me this morning until Zoe yells, “Connor finished the milk!”  
Larry groans and Cynthia looks over to Zoe. “Are you sure? There should be another carton in the back,” she says tiredly.  
It’s the same thing every morning, Larry and Cynthia fight about me, then Zoe comes down and complains about something I did, we eat breakfast, then Zoe and I have to go to school. Zoe finds the other milk carton and makes herself some cereal. I sit down next to her and take the milk carton and drink some. She yells at me for that, then she yells at me for being high (which I’m not), my mom gives me a lecture about going to school high and that it’s the first day of senior year and some other shit. Eventually, Zoe’s ready to leave and since I have to go with her in her car, even though I have my own, I quickly grab my satchel from my room and get in the car.  
Once I get to school I am immediately ignored by everyone except the Insanely Shitty Jared Kleinman.  
“Hey Connor, loving the new hair length, very school shooter chic.” I stare back at him with a menacing face and he starts to get uncomfortable so he tries to make it so I don’t punch him.  
“It was a joke,” he says.  
“I’m laughing,” I reply, feeling my anger rise to the surface. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”  
He really looks scared now, “You’re such a freak” he laughs awkwardly and runs away leaving me and this guy who I just noticed, Evan Hansen. We’ve been in the same school since kindergarten but we’ve never really talked. I know he has anxiety, is a friendless loser, and hangs out with Jared. He lets out a nervous laugh and in a moment of pure anger I yell,  
“Why are you laughing? Stop fucking laughing!” He says something but I’m too pissed to notice.  
“I’m not a freak! You’re the fucking freak!” And then I push him. Everything is too much so I storm away to the nearest bathroom and yell and kick the wall. Luckily no one else is here so they don’t see me and so I don't hurt them.  
I hear the bell go off a few times and I’m still in the bathroom. I’m in a stall and sitting on the ground, not really doing anything. I shouldn’t have pushed him. I shouldn’t go off on people like that. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be me. I need to apologize to Evan but I don’t know if I have any classes with him. Hopefully I just never have to see him again and he can live his life.  
Because I’m such a horrible person and because the world hates me, I see Evan in the computer lab after school. He’s typing something on a computer and muttering to himself; I don’t think he notices me. He prints something out but is still sitting there, he’s talking to someone on the phone. I try not to listen in so I head over to get whatever he printed out for him. He’s not on the phone anymore so I head over to him.  
“So. What happened to your arm?” I ask, pointing to his empty cast. The question seems to confuse him, or the fact that the “school shooter” just walked up to him and began talking.  
“Oh, I um, I fell out of a tree, actually.” He says, I can’t help but laugh at that.  
“You fell out of a tree? That is just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” He starts to awkwardly laugh along. It’s kind of like his laugh earlier.  
“I-I know,” he stutters, looking down at it.  
“No one’s signed your cast.” I point out.  
“No, I know,” of course he knows. It’s on his fucking arm.  
“I’ll sign it,” I offer. He looks excited but hesitant. What does he think I’ll do? Break it again?  
“Oh. Um… y-you don’t have to,” he stutters out again.  
“Do you have a sharpie?”  
He takes off his backpack and struggles to unzip it and take the black sharpie out. I write “CONNOR” in big letters on his cast, filling the whole front side up. I can’t read his expression, but I can tell that it isn’t good.  
“Oh. Great. Thanks.” he mutters.  
“Now we can both pretend that we have friends,” I blurt out.  
“Good point,” he says, seeming unfazed about what I just said. I don’t know what else to say so I pull out his letter.  
“Is this yours? I found it in the printer. ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ That's your name, right?” He looks terrified now.  
“Oh that's just a stupid, its a paper I had to write for a, um, for an assignment...” he rushes out. I can’t stand looking at him anymore so I look at the paper and notice what he wrote.  
“Because there's Zoe.” I read out loud. Before I realize it all of my anger has risen to the surface and I’m yelling at Evan for the second time today.  
“Is this about my sister?” I ask, not really wanting an answer.  
“N-no. Not at all,” he stutters.  
“You wrote this because you knew that I would find it,” I yell. Evan looks really confused,  
“W-w-what?”  
“You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and you printed it out so that I would find it.”  
“Why- why would I do that?” He looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack but I can’t stop.  
“So I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I’m crazy, right?”  
“No. Wait. I don’t even, what?” He says, trying to deny my accusations. I can’t stand being here anymore so I yell “fuck you!” and storm out, still holding the letter.  
I make it outside and behind the school before fully losing it. I yell and kick the wall until I’m out of breath. I finally managed to calm down after almost an hour. Why do I have to be like this? Why can’t I just keep my anger inside? I can do that with all of my other emotions. I only have two modes: dead and pissed. I feel bad and want to apologize to Evan but know that it’s for the best that I don’t. He would be better off never seeing me again. Everyone would. Thinking of Evan, I take the letter out and fully read it.  
“Dear Evan Hansen,  
It turns out, this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because why would it be? Oh, I know. Because there’s Zoe. And all my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don’t even know and who doesn’t know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe - maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?  
Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, Me.”  
This time I manage to stay calm throughout reading it. Wow. This kid has problems. _Like you. But the only thing that’s different is that people actually care about him and he isn’t the world’s largest fuck up._ The one voice says to me. It reminds me of what I was going to do before I ran into Evan. I already have the stuff on me so I head down to Ellison Park, my chosen destination.


	2. Chapter Two

I keep my head down so I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone as I make my way to the trails in the woods. I lift my head slightly once I get into the woods and walk for several minutes, unable to think of anything but my plan. I stop once I come across a really tall tree, my back against it as I slide down to the dirt. The only thing I hear as I take them out is all of the voices. All of them telling me to do it. I don’t fight against them as I start to down the pills. I don't stop when I hear a different voice telling me to stop. I do stop though when I feel someone’s hand on my own. I look up into the crying eyes of Evan Hansen. I can’t hear what he’s saying, probably because when I look down at the bottle, it’s basically empty. I don’t remember when I blacked out, but I do remember the horrible moment where I woke back up.

I woke up to a bright room with chattering voices. Some calm and some frantic. I don’t open my eyes for a moment, I just lay there hoping that this is just some cruel joke and I’m really dead. But of course, life never works out the way I want it to and I open my eyes to my mom, Larry, Zoe, and a doctor. I guess I made a noise because everyone turns to look at me and Cynthia practically leaps to where I’m laying and starts hugging me while sobbing into my arm. “Oh, Connor,” she weeps. “Oh, my precious Connor.” The last time she said these to me was when she saw some of my scars and had an hour-long sobbing fit. I can’t make myself talk, not that I’d know what to say. I’m finally saved by the doctor asking her if she’d like to take a walk. She silently shakes her head and leaves me, Larry rubbing her back. Zoe silently leaves behind her, not a single tear on her face. 

The doctor talks to me for a bit about random stuff like counselors, lifelines, and about my health. I’ll have to stay for a few more days. I’m not fully listening but he does get my attention when he mentions Evan.

“Wait. What?” The doctor looks at me, a bit ticked that I wasn’t listening,

“The young boy who called the ambulance, he said his name was Evan Hansen. He said that you two knew each other. He’s waiting outside to see you, and I had asked if he could come in.”

Evan’s here? And he wants to see me? I shake my head “yes” and the doctor steps out as Evan comes in. He looks even fidgeter than he had earlier in the computer lab. How long had it been since then? The clock on the wall tells me that it's about half-past six. I realized that I should have said something when Evan stuttered out. 

  
“I… uh… I-I can go if you want me to,” he rushed out, already turning to leave. 

“No. No, you can stay. It’s either you or my family, you are the better option by far.” Was that offensive? He looks back to me with a slight smile that barely lasts a second. 

“I’m sorry that you found my letter. I shouldn’t have written anything about your sister.” He’s talking so fast I can barely understand him. “I - I didn’t even know that you were there. I thought I was alone, I p-promise. It was just some stupid letter I had to write for therapy. I’m so sorry. I -” 

“Why the fuck are you sorry?” I cut him off. 

“Well I shouldn’t have written anything about my crush on Zoe, a-and I just -” 

“Dude. It’s my fault I started to freak out. I read the rest of your letter. Good for you that you can express all of those emotions so openly,” I say, I don’t even know where that came from. I must be heavily drugged right now for saying all of this emotional shit. 

“I-I’m really not. I don’t know why I printed it out. It doesn’t really matter. I uh, never went to my appointment,” he says, looking down and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. I don’t really know what else to say. The drugs seem to be wearing off because I can feel my bitch personality rise to the surface.

“Why are you here?” I ask, way too rude than needed, but I don’t care. 

Evan looks up to my face for a second before looking back to the floor. “I-I was worried and-and I thought it was because of me o-or maybe I was too late.”

“Well sadly, you were too early. Next time, just let me die,” I spit out angrily. He looks up at me concerned when a question comes to me, “Why were you even there?” That question seems to panic him.

“U-uh… I-I-I was um...” He can’t seem to think of a lie, so I help him along.

“Were you following me? Why? So you could get your letter back?” 

“No. No, uh, during the summer I w-worked there over the summer as an apprentice park ranger. That's where I uh, broke my arm. I had climbed a tree there and … I, uh, I fell.” 

“So why were you there?” I continue to ask.

“I-I, um. I missed it there and it was calming. The tree you sat against was the one I f-fell of a-and I went to it,” he’s still talking ridiculously fast, and somehow, I miraculously keep up.

“Why would you want to go to that tree? Also, it was like 50 ft. tall. How are you not dead.” I should really think before I speak, but he’s not my friend and never will be so why should I care.

“It’s 54.5 ft. tall actually,” he corrects me. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. That was rude. I only know that because it’s in the guide. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll forgive you if you stop saying sorry,” I say, already annoyed.

“So- I okay,” he says. I almost laugh at him but something else comes to me.

“Where is the letter anyway?”

“Oh, I uh-” he’s cut off by a woman doctor walking in.

“Hey- oh, Evan! Why are you here?” She says, looking at him with a worried expression. As if remembering I’m here she looks over to me grins and looks back to Evan. “Have you made a friend?” She looks thrilled by this but it fades away as she looks at me and then to a clipboard she’s holding. “Ev, sweety, could you go outside so I can help your friend? I’ll meet you out there in just a second,” she smiled at the word friend. Once Evan leaves she sits down at one of the chairs, lances at her clipboard again, and looks up to me. 

“You’re Connor, right?” She asks kindly.

“Sadly,” I respond.

“My name’s Heidi. So, from what Evan gathered and what we saw, you tried to commit suicide by overdosing. Is this correct?” 

“No,” I reply. “He just saw me taking pill after pill in hopes to stay alive forever.”

“Okay,” she says hesitantly. “Look, I know that this isn’t the best and it may seem ‘super awkward and I just keep looking at you and you don't know what to say or do’, but I promise that I want you to get better, and I’ll try to make this the most comfortable for you.” I honestly can’t help but roll my eyes and reply with a smart ass response.

“Yeah and once I’m ‘all better’ Evan and I can run through yellow fields and climb all of the trees that we want.” She looks like she’s contemplating what she should say next.

“How long have you and Evan been friends?” She asks. I don’t know why I lie, but I do when I say, “Today.” I mean it’s not a real lie, we just started talking today, but we aren’t friends.

“I saw that you signed his cast. I think that you guys will be good for each other.”

“Really? You think that the depressed suicidal kid and the happy anxious tree-climbing kid could be good friends?” I ask, genuinely surprised but still keeping a sarcastic tone. 

“I think that you both could use some support from people who get it.”

“Get what?” I ask. “Get that we both are friendless losers with only one of us having a real chance to have friends one day?” 

“I can’t predict the future, but I do know that given the chance, both of you could have great friends,” she answers. I’m amazed at how calm she’s staying, and the fact that she thinks I could have friends. It’s pretty funny so I let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Yeah, and I bet we’ll both grow up as besties with our dream jobs and live to our 90’s having no regrets.” This makes her laugh.

“I wish that could happen,” she says, slightly smiling. “So, before I leave I need to ask you a few questions.” She looks down at the clipboard again. “Have you ever self-harmed?” 

I let out a laugh because I’m in a hospital gown and she can see my arms. “No, these were all just accidents. In fact, they’re not even real.”

She finally cracks as a look of slight disappointment spreads across her face. “Connor. Please. After you answer these questions I can leave.” I roll my eyes but don’t say anything else. She repeats the question, “Have you ever self-harmed?” I look straight ahead with my emotionless expression.

“Yes.” She gives a small, sad smile.

“Okay. When was the last time?”

“Yesterday.”

She continues to ask these kinds of questions and I answer as vaguely as possible. She finally leaves but not before asking, “Do you want Evan to come in?” I shake my head no. I don’t feel like talking to anyone else today. I just want to sleep, so I do.

I wake up still in the hospital, but now it’s dark outside. I know I’m not falling back asleep any time soon so, using the light coming from outside the room, the heart monitor, and outside, I find my phone and just stare at it blankly. If I had any friends I could text them, but I’m still me so I have nothing to do. I play around on some crap game for a while, but quickly get bored and look through my phone. I don't have many pictures and the ones that I do have are of random shit like nature, buildings, and objects on the street. I don’t know why, but I find them calming. I eventually fall back asleep.

Evan and I are in some open field. We’re running towards a large tree. After we get there Evan sat against the tree and grabbed my hand to pull me down next to him. I end up falling onto him and we both start cracking up. We don’t say anything as our laughter dies and I sit next to him. The sun starts to set and I feel Evan’s head fall onto my shoulder. I rest my head on his shoulder after a bit too.

I wake up with a jolt. Why the fuck did my brain conjure that? We’re not close like that. We’re not even friends. Do I want to be friends with him? Am I seriously listening to that crazy nurse who just wants her son to have a friend and is so desperate that she thinks I’d be good for him? Even if I do want to be friends with him, the feelings are definitely not mutual. I don’t go back to sleep because it’s light outside. Nothing really happens throughout the day. Larry and Cynthia come in for a bit along Hiedi and the one doctor. They told me that I can leave in two days, right in time for the weekend. They also told me that I’ll be going to therapy every Tuesday after school. I yelled at them a bit for that but didn’t win. I know that I need serious help, but that doesn't mean that I want or deserve it. Other than that, no one else came in until after school. The door creaked open and, expecting it to be my family, I sit up and put on my “eternally pissed” face but tone it down when Evan walks in.

“Why are you here again?” I question him. 

“I-I’m sorry. I thought you m-might want me here which was stupid cause you don’t want to be my friend cause I’m nobody a-and - oh no. I’m ranting. I’m sorry. I’ll go now.” 

He’s already outside the room when I yell out, “Wait. Come back.”

He’s right, we’re not friends, but maybe we can be? It will most likely end horribly, but what else do I have to lose? Evan slowly walks back in looking at the floor. 

“S-sorry,” he mutters out, barely audible.

“Why the fuck are you sorry? I’m the one who was an asshole to you the second you walked into the room.”

“You weren't,” he says looking into my eyes but quickly looking down at his shirt. “I-I shouldn’t have just walked in.”

“Don’t run out this time, but why are you here?” I ask, trying (and failing) to sound gentle. 

“I-I just wanted to see - uh, w-when you were getting out,” he says softly.

A faint blush spreads across my face, but he doesn't see it because he’s still looking down. 

“I’m getting out in two days,”I tell him.

“O-okay. Th-that’s Saturday,” he states.

“What a clever observation, did you come up with that on your own?” I say, not thinking. Why do I always have to say the bitchiest thing?

“S-sorry. I-I just w-wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out,” he says, glancing up at me again. “I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want. I know-”

“Sure,” I say, cutting his rambling off. “What's your number so I can text you?” 

He looks overjoyed by this, like he wasn’t expecting it. Honestly, neither was I. I was planning on never seeing him again. Maybe we could be friends. _He’d never want to be friends with you_. Shut up. _He’s lying. Why would anyone want to even be near you?_

“C-Connor,” Evan says, interrupting the voices. 

“Yeah?” I respond, looking up into his blue eyes.

“U-uh, you ready for my-my number?”

I realize that my phone is still on the side table. I reach out and grab it, opening up to contacts. He gives me his number so I text him 

C: Hey  
C: It’s Connor

  
Evan looks down and lets out a small smile and quiet giggle.

E: Hey! It’s Evan

“Oh god. I’ve got to go.” Evan says, his smile gone. “I have a, um, therapy thing.”

“Is that what the letter was for?”

“Uh, yeah,” he replies looking down.

“Where is it?” 

“Oh, I - uh. I took it. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have taken it.”

He just awkwardly nods and walks out of the room. 

“By Connor,” he says quietly with a wave.

“Bye,” I say as the door shuts again, leaving me in an empty room once again. 


	3. Chapter Three

Evan comes by after school both days I'm stuck here. We talk about random stuff like trees (which I learned that he loves) and school. Apparently we have history, lunch, and literacy together. It’s Friday night and Evan has just left. I really want to become friends. He’s so kind, funny, and cute. Not cute as in “I want to date you” cute, just “wow you’re really cute but I don’t like you like that, I just really want to be your friend and nothing more.” You know? 

When I’m let out on Saturday Larry takes me home and I run straight to my room, despite his protests. I jump on to my comfortable bed that I greatly missed. I look around my room and realize how clean it is. They must’ve gone through it looking for drugs and things I could use to hurt myself. I hesitantly walk over to my dresser and push it away. I let out the breath that I’d apparently been holding at the sight of everything still there. I put the dresser back and change into new clothes. As I lay back on my bed, I take out my phone to see two texts from Evan:

E: Hey  
E: Are you home yet? 

He always types so formally.

C: yeah  
C: do u want to hang out?  
E: Sure! :)  
C: send me ur address and i’ll pick u up  
E: Okay *address*  
C: i’ll be there in a few

I shove my phone into my pocket and rush down the stairs as quietly as possible. Zoe is at her friend's house and Cynthia is at her yoga so I only have to escape Larry which is easy seeing as he’s in his room. I take my old pickup truck and drive the short way to Evans. I park the truck in the driveway of the small, homey house. I knock on the door to have it immediately be opened by Evan. He looks at me, smiling while wiping his palms on his khakis. 

“H-hey,” he says, still standing in the way of the door, looking into my eyes.

“You going to let me in or?” I say. My words are immediately followed by a few 'sorry's and Evan stepping back into the house.

“I-I know it’s small…” he quietly says.

“I like it,” I reassure him. “It’s homey.”

My words put a bigger smile on his face.

“What do you w-want to do?”

“I have an idea,” I say, turning to walk right back out the door. I go to turn the handle and turn back to look at him, “you coming?”

He nods his head quickly and follows me out. I get into the driver's side of the car and look over to Evan who is struggling to open his door. I reach over to his side and open it for him, getting a slight blush from him. He pulls himself up into the car and puts on his seatbelt. I start the truck out and start to pull out of the driveway.

The ride is long and I don’t know what to talk about so I put some music on from my phone. I didn’t pay attention when I was putting it on so of course I accidentally put on my musical playlist. It has songs from Be More Chill, Hamilton, Beetlejuice, and a few odd songs. I realized that I made a mistake when the car is filled with “C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon go, go!” I don't have time to change it and so the song continues and I practically die from embarrassment. There goes any chances of Evan wanting to be friends with me. Now he’ll think that I listen to songs about _that_. My thoughts are interrupted by a quiet voice singing along. I take my eyes off the road for a second to look at Evan who is looking out the window, singing along.

“You know Be More Chill?” I ask him, amazed.

“Yeah,” he replies, turning his head smiling. “I love it.” 

“Who’s your favorite character?”

“Michael. Who’s yours?”

“Rich, definitely.” 

This makes Evan laugh. “Rich always reminds me of Jared.”

I let out a loud laugh. We continue to talk about different characters and eventually start singing. He also has listened to Hamilton but not Beetlejuice.

“You’ve never listened to Beetlejuice?” I asked him while laughing.

“I’ve seen the movie?” he responds, also laughing.

We eventually arrive at the Orchard. I hadn’t told Evan where we were going and I really want him to like it. I told him to close his eyes when we were arriving and right now they’re still closed. 

“Can I please open them now?” He requested. 

“Soon,” I told him. I parked the car and walked over to his side to help him out. He manages to safely get out of the car but nearly fell when walking. As he was falling he grabbed onto my arm and hasn’t let go. I let him hold onto my arm as I slowly guide him into the forest. We get semi-deep into the woods when I let him open his eyes. I panic for a second, thinking I made the wrong choice bringing him here.

“Connor!” He exclaims. “Look at all of the trees!”

He walks forward a bit, admiring all of the trees before looking at me.

“I love them,” he tells me and I can tell that he means it. He seems to get an idea because he grabs my hand and starts speed walking deeper into the trees. Pretty soon we’re both running through the forest. We come to a stop at a small opening with a huge tree in the center. As we try and catch our breath Evan realizes that we’re still holding hands and pulls his away while blushing. The lack of contact leaves my hand feeling slightly colder. Evan sits down and I get a feeling of déjà vu. I choose to ignore it and sit down next to Evan. I’m the one who starts talking first.

“Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you liked trees.”

“I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I’m kind of a tree expert. I worked as an apprentice park ranger over the summer.” He informs me. He’s had the biggest, brightest, and prettiest smile on his face since we got here. I wish he smiled like that all the time.

“Oh yeah, I think you told me that,” I say, trying to remember. “You said that's where you broke your arm.”

His once big bright smile fades a bit. Of course I had to mess it up. 

“O-oh, yeah.” He looks down at his cast, tracing my name with his fingers. 

“What happened?’

“Uh, I fell,” he answers, looking the opposite direction of me. I should take this as a hint, but I don’t stop.

“How though? Like was it the branch or did you slip?”

“I fell,” he says, his voice sounding distant. "I was climbing the tree and I got to the top and looked at the sun and f-fell.”

It sounds like he’s talking more to himself than me so I finally change the subject. 

“What's your favorite tree?”

“I don’t think I could choose just one. There are over 1,400 trees in North America.”

“What type of tree is this?” I ask him, touching the tree with my hand.

“It’s a green ash,” he responds with a smile. “They can become up to 70 feet tall.”

We continue to talk about random stuff, Evan dropping in tons of tree facts. I wish I could be so passionate about something. Whenever he talks about it, his stutter disappears and he’s confident. We end up talking until it’s dark and Evan starts to get tired.

“W-we should get going. I don’t want my mom to worry about me,” Evan comments as the sun begins to set.

“Did you tell her you went out with me?”

“Well yes, but it’s late and she might be mad at me for being out.”

“You could just stay over,” I say hopefully. I’d never had a friend stay over at my house and vise versa.

“R-really?” He says, turning to me excitedly.

“If you want, my parents won’t care.” That was a lie, they’ll be ecstatic. 

Evan nods and takes out his phone to text his mom. He looks at it expectantly for a response. We stand there a few seconds and I can see him begin to get nervous and start fidgeting. It finally pings and he reads the message. A huge grin spreads across his face.

“I’m going to assume she said yes?” I ask with a small smirk.

“Yes!”

On the ride back to my house Evan dozes off, his head resting on the window. When we get to my house I shake him awake.

“Hey,” I say quietly while shaking him. “When we get in, we try to be as quiet as possible. Run up the stairs and go to the room at the end of the hall.”

“Wh- what?” He says, sleep still in his voice.

“Just, come on,” I mutter, getting out of the truck. I walk over to Evan’s side and help him get out. We walk up to the house and he tries to be quiet but horrendously fails. He nearly fell taking off his shoes and actually fell walking up the stairs. Cynthia rushes out from the kitchen,

“Connor is that - Oh! Who’s this?” She asks happily. 

“I-I, we’re uh, I’m Evan,” he manages to get out, he’s slouching and fidgeting but facing her.

“I’ve seen you in the hospital waiting room before! Were you there for Connor?”

“I, um, yes,” he says, still looking uncomfortable and fidgeting.

“It’s weird that our paths never crossed,” she wonders out loud. I had made sure that they didn’t, I told Evan when he shouldn't come which was when my family was here. 

“He’s sleeping over. Can we go up to my room?” I ask, taking her attention away from Evan.

“Yes, of course.” She replies still smiling.

“Bye,” I say, taking Evan's hand and running upstairs, slowly so he doesn’t fall.

I let go of his hand once we get inside my room. Evan looks amazed by it for some reason. My room is pretty boring. The walls are painted black and I don't have any posters or anything on the walls. I have a desk and a bookshelf and a bathroom that Zoe and I share connected to it (there's a door in each of our rooms to it). 

“Your house is so big,” Evan says amazed.

I don’t know how to respond so I just shrug. He turns to look into my eyes and then immediately looks down at the ground.

“W-what do you want to do?” He asks me.

“Are you still tired?” I ask him, referring to when he fell asleep in the car.

“No, I-I just, cars make me tired. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” I reassure him. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“S-sure. W-what kind of movies do you, um, like?”

“Horror,” I answer him.

“Oh, um. Cool. We can watch that.” He says, obviously uncomfortable. 

“We don’t have to. We can watch something else,” I suggest.

“We can watch a h-horror movie.” He says firmly, well firmly for him at least.

“Okay,” I tell him, knowing that he can’t win this fight.

We decided to watch the movie “Lights Out”. It’s not a scary movie, it just has some jump scares. We don’t make it 5 minutes into the movie when Evan is pretty much hiding behind the blanket. We’re sitting on my bed with the movie on my computer. Since I’m sitting next to the wall, when Evan scootches closer to me I can’t move so we’re very close. By the time we reach the 20-minute mark, Evan is clinging to my arm out of fear. I can tell he probably doesn't even know he’s doing this because we’ve never been this close and he’d probably be disgusted. When the movie is over Evan's legs are hooked to mine and he’s still clinging to my arm but also holding my hand. As I close the computer Evan seems to snap back to reality and basically jumps off of me. 

“I, uh, sorry. I-I didn’t notice I had been doing that.” He says looking down in embarrassment. 

“It’s fine dude. Do you think you could go to sleep after that?” I ask him. He still looks like he might shit himself from any sudden movements.

“Uh, could, um. C-could we watch something less scary?” He asks. “Or not, you probably want to go to sleep.” He rushes out before I can answer his question.

“Sure. Do you like the ‘Lorax’?” I ask, thinking about his obsession with trees.

“I love the ‘Lorax’!” He says with a huge grin. I wish he would always look like that.

Evan knew the words to almost all of the songs; he would quietly sing along to every song. He fell asleep towards the end of it so I just turned it off and laid back down next to him on my bed. I fell asleep to the soft pattern of Evan’s breathing.


End file.
